


The 'What-Ifs' Are Just as Bad as Looking In the Mirror and Realizing You're Gone

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Love Letters, M/M, Post-Summer of Like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 15:19:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8290715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Mikey sends Pete a letter.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brbsinning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brbsinning/gifts).



_ Dear Pete, _

 

_ Fuck you.  _

 

_ What if we had been rational? We could’ve sat down, discussed our future, been functional adults. What if we hadn’t just continued on the way we were, stopped, sat down, faced our fears, insecurities? We could’ve stopped ignoring the pressing end, and fucking done something about it. _

 

_ Where would we be now, if we had done that? We could be married, we could be broken up, we could have three kids, we could have nothing but heartache and closure. The way it finished was just so open-ended, it left everything there. There wasn’t a big fight with tears and smashed plates, there was just you sneaking away in the dark, tears a new fashion statement for both of us.  _

 

_ Maybe we would’ve been able to hold on through it all. Instead of the letters I write to you being stained with tears, they would be regaling you with tales of my day, excitedly telling you how fun it is to talk in this old-fashioned way. Maybe they would be sealed into envelopes, a cartoon-themed stamp on the back, prepared to be sent, instead of shoved under countless years’ worth of clutter in my closet.  _

 

_ I would have visited you while you were on tour, you would do the same to me. We would’ve been the power couple, the one everyone is jealous of. When you would be sad, when you felt like you couldn’t hold on any longer, I would’ve been there for you. _

 

_ We would’ve gotten a house together, I would’ve proposed to you at a fancy dinner one evening. We would’ve gotten married where we first met, the little patch of lawn just behind the venue where you and your band were playing soccer and asked me if I wanted to join.  _

 

_ We’d have rough times- of course we would, who doesn’t? But we would’ve made it through, made up, then watched movies by our fireplace, on our couch, as the rain would pour down outside. Gerard would’ve threatened you, but all in good nature. Patrick would’ve been your best man at the wedding, shooting me razor-sharp glares afterwards with muttered warnings of ‘I’ll cut your dick off if you ever think of hurting Pete,’ ones that you would be oblivious to.  _

 

_ We would be so good together, Pete, we really would’ve. So why did you let me go? We call each other, text each other, and each time you say anything to me, I can barely breathe, because I love you so much and I’m barely hanging on, always.  _

 

_ I asked you, once, if you would go back in time and change it so we would be together, and all you said was ‘no, i’ve accepted our time together has past,’ but Pete, it really doesn’t sound like you did. I would go back, I really would. I wish I  _ could  _ go back, but I know I can’t. All I can do is move forward, and I wish I could move forward with you.  _

 

_ Every time I look in the mirror, my heart breaks a little more, because it isn’t a tour mirror, you aren’t hanging off my shoulder, and Gerard isn’t making gagging noises in the back as he watches you kiss me. Because you’re gone, you ran away from me.  _

_ Things are bad right now, and I wish you were here with me. I wish you could tell me it would be okay. This is one of hundreds of unsent letters, the only one sent. I need you to know what I think of you. You left me, and I hate you for that, but I love you, and I can’t get over it. _

 

_ I’m so sorry you don’t miss me, I’m sorry you don’t care, I’m sorry you wouldn’t go back to fix things, I’m sorry you don’t wish it was me kissing you on the cheek and sliding a ring onto your finger. I’m sorry for a lot of things, but I’m not sorry for the way I feel. I’m not sorry I miss you, I’m not sorry I care, I’m not sorry I would go back to fix things, and I’m not sorry I wish it was you kissing me on the cheek and sliding a ring onto my finger.  _

 

_ I’m not fucking sorry I love you, but you should be sorry you don’t.  _

 

Fuck you, Pete Wentz. 

 

_ -Mikeyway _


End file.
